The topic is Video Games

So I got my 360 back on friday and tested it out over the weekend.  I used the music visualizer and a thumbstick of mp3s to throw a little get together at my place and had no problems whatsoever.  Also played some dead rising and halo 2.  Still no problems.  I'll be sure to post here as soon as my 3rd 360 decides to give me three red lights again.  I know its coming...

So I call up 1-800-4my-xbox and speak with a customer service rep.  I tell him all the juicy details about my first console, how it got three red lights, how i got a new replacement, and how the replacement still doesn't work.  He proceeded to get some list of "things to do when your xbox doesn't love you" and put me on hold.  He regurgitated the same lame steps: "Unplug all the cables and replug them. Unplug your hard drive.  Unplug your power adapter from the surge protector and place it directly in the wall.  Stand on one leg and recite the national anthem backwards while spinning the console on one finger".  Apparently they recommend not plugging the 360 into a surge protector.  Why?  I guess the 360 is so power hungry it needs a direct connection to the wall socket.  It's the sinistar of consoles. 

So I tell the guy I know the steps and that I've already performed them and then he proceeds to tell me that since this is my second console i will be able to talk with a supervisor directly. Sweet.  I wait for like 10 minutes and the supervisor comes on the other line.  He asks me if I followed the steps to resolve the problem and I say yes. He asks me where my console is and I reply that it is on top of a newly shingled roof enclosed in a plexiglass box with no air vents. jk.  I tell him its on a very spacious 3 tier component rack. He's content with that.  He asks me what color is the power supply when I turn on the console. I reply that it is always green.  He's also content with that.  He then says he's going to ship me another box to send my bunk unit in.  I ask him how confident he is that my 3rd console will be the lucky winner.  He say's that instead of replacing a component they are going to take out all of the guts and put in a whole new board with all the trimmings.  The console goes through 2 weeks of burn in testing, he says.  I freak out saying "IM NOT WAITING 2 WEEKS FOR YOU TO SEND ME A NEW CONSOLE".  He replies, "YOU IDIOT.  WE ALREADY HAVE THESE CONSOLES READY.  IM JUST SAYING THEY GO THROUGH 2 WEEKS OF TESTING!!!"  He didn't say you idiot, I'm just kidding.  Then I finally ask him for some compensation.  He replies that the only compensation they offer are 1 of 3 microsoft titles: Kameo, Project Gotham Racing 3, or Perfect Dark Zero.  Unfortunately I never purchased Kameo, so I guess I have to take that as a reminder that Microsoft is still my trusted friend.  Anyways, here's to waiting another 10 business days.  I can't f'ing wait.

So i haven't had a chance to post this yet, but the "new" 360 microsoft sent me went to the three red lights phase in a matter of hours.  I was playing Dead Rising for about 45 mins, turned off the console, went to go do some other shit, came back a few hours later and turned the console on.  I waited while the system just sat there and displayed no image.  Then the lights flashed.  I almost punched my 360 in the faceplate until i realized that it would have hurt my hand.  Seriously, does anyone find this to be utter bullshit?  Who sends you a replacement that works for only an hour?  What exactly did they do to fix my console, if anything?  Did they do the old Nintendo fix and blow inside the machine? In my opinion the customer service team should be replaced with monkeys.  The random chance of them doing something to fix my console is far greater than any human assistance.  I know there are alot of people out there that have some horror stories with replacing 360 units.  I think I heard of someone who is on there 4th console.  I think thats freaking lame.   The excuse on how the console is full of very delicate parts is bullshit.  I have a computer full of way more expensive parts that acts like a champ every time I turn it on.  It never gives me red lights and i can kick it in the face and it will ask for more.  I don't know what to do. I'm probably going to attempt to get my money back, and if that doesn't work I want some freebies like a second console so that i can take it to a construction site and attach it to a wrecking ball.

Welp, I just got a "replacement" xbox 360 today from the UPS man today.  I believe i sent it on late saturday afternoon Aug 12.  So overall, that was a very speedy turn around, (approx. 7 business days).  To think I haven't played Dead Rising yet,  I feel like the biggest non gamer ever.  Oh and I received an offer to sign up for an extended warranty for my 360. Basically you pay 29.95 a year for unlimited service, which includes returning your 360 for a new one every time it fails.  It seemed like a really good deal considering that no other warranty is offered past 6 months.  Anyways, I still have a bit of interest in playing games, but not as much as I did before my console ate shit.  Kinda killed my mood.

I know this has nothing to do with video games but I just had to post this pic I took at a local vietnamese restaurant.  Something tells me that no one has ordered item 60 yet:

1 - Drink, non-juice and non-health based liquids preferably after 9pm.
2 - Donate your time to community service projects such as offering to buy someone of the opposite sex a non-juice and non-health based beverage.
3 - Hold a cordless xbox 360 controller in one hand while watching google videos of Dead Rising in-game footage.
4 - Find out what happened to your life. Look on the back of a milk carton and make sure your parents haven't reported you as being kidnapped.
5 - Post non sensical German comments in Major Nelson's blog under the screename "Helmut" when Major reports that a particular item in the xbox live marketplace wont be available in that country.


or

"Durch die neun! Hauptnelson, hast du disserviced die Leute von Deutschland noch einmal, indem Sie nicht uns Pacman geben! Mai Gordon Freeman Gebrauch seine Schwerkraftgewehr, deinen Stuhl zu werfen! Herzlichst Helmut."

6 - Start saving up money for a Playstation 3...Ich scherze!

The three rings of light: A pattern of 3 red lights that signifies your Xbox 360 has recently commited seppuku and will no longer operate.

I got them, the damn lights from hell.  It happened on a Sunday afternoon.  I had just got back from a long weekend of fun in the sun.  I was still hungover beyond belief and had no desire to do anything but morph into a three toed sloth and play video games.  So here i am on the couch, shirtless, pantless, souless, devoid of nutrients, full of toxins, and waiting for my 360 to turn on.  The dashboard pops up and I scramble to the marketplace where i find the sweetness that is the Dead Rising demo.  I proceed to download the 1 gigabyte file and wait.  Bored out of my mind waiting for this gigantor file to download, I start doing a little bit of spring cleaning in my current demo section by deleting games i no longer play.  I think i deleted about 5 files when the dashboard gurgled a loud squelch and froze. I didn't phase me since my 360 has frozen a billion times in the past, so I walked over to the console (that was really hard since my body still felt like a sack of dog shit) and reset it.  Here's the shocker, the system doesn't turn on and instead I get these freaking lights that remind me of the terminator.  My console looks at me and laughs.  "You dumbass", it says, " you tried to do more than one thing while downloading.  Are you an idiot or just trying to f' with me?  Well regardless, I have killed myself and you no longer get to play me.  Go ahead, try unplugging all my cables and hard drive and then plug them all back in.  I still wont work and you will begin to feel more sick and hungover by the second.  You might as well call Microsoft right now and tell them what happened.  A man name Anthony will answer and proceed to ask you about every detail of your life before he gets to your problem.  He'll then tell you that I need to be repaired and ask you to send me back to the Microsoft hospital.  A box will be mailed in 2-5 business days and once they receive that box back with my broken self, you will receive a new one in 7-10 business days.  Good luck ever being interested in playing games again.  By the time you get this console back you might finally have gotten a girlfriend and moved on with your life."

Pride Fighting has to be one of the most awesome mixed martial arts (MMA) orgranizations there is. The talent is top notch, the venues are massive, and the fights are 99% (1% goes to Giant Silva) edge of your seat wars. These fighters are brutal. Guys like Wanderlei "The Axe Murderer" Silva have been known to beat the living crap out of their opponent until the referee physically has to pry him off. If the referee doesn't step in and break the fight up himself, fighers will continue to bludgeon one another with all they've got.

You'd think that these fighters live and breathe fighting with the daily routine consisting of an 8 hour workout at the gym, a couple hours of studying fight tapes, a low carb meal of slop and plenty of sleep. For the most part that's what these fighters do since it is their job to be in shape, but there are the few that break the jock fighter stereotype by using their sparetime to dwell in less agressive activities. One such man, Josh Barnett, is both a fighter and a gamer...and an otaku/nerd/anime lover who foams at the mouth for all things Japanese.

A fighter who loves anime you ask? Well it's not as unbelievable as you may think. Anime in general tends to be incredibly violent. Fist of the North Star, or Hokuto No Ken as it's called in Japan, happens to be Barnett's favorite as it revolves around hand to hand combat where a simple touch of the finger can puncture crater sized blood fountains in an opponent's flesh. The main character Kenshiro is Barnett's anime idol since he exhibits the same determination and ruthlessness that a Pride Fighter shows in the ring. Apparently Barnett is so enamored with this animated warrior that he donned a make shift Kenshiro costume in a photoshoot for Japanese magazine R25.

An MMA fighter who likes to cosplay in his spare time? It's true and explained in great detail in an article titled Two Days With Josh Barnett in Japan.

Josh Barnett has a professional fighting record of 18 wins 3 losses and will be facing Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira at PRIDE Final Conflict Absolute on September 10, 2006 at the Saitama Super Arena in Saitama Japan.

FIRST POST FIRST POST!!! Where the **** is Street Fighter!!!??!

Oh, excuse me, I'm so used to posting that in Major Nelson's blog that I forgot where I was. Just Kidding. Anyways I'm not going to give a long intro, because I know you don't care.

Here's whats going on today. We got Street Fighter II Hyper Fighting finally on Xbox Live Arcade. It feels like I've been waiting for this game for years. I've fought through delay after delay, constantly wiping my sorry gamer tears with a soiled Capcom towel. But it's finally out and no more tears, time to fire up the 360 and start hyperfighting my way to victory.

My Street Fighter experience begins with a match against the computer in Arcade Mode. After reading some very horrific stories today about the computer having some god like characteristics, I played with the utmost concentration. 1st Round I pick Ken, of course. I mean I'm scared here and i need to play with the metaphorical street fighter blankie known as Ken Masters (Don't forget his brunette flavored pallete swap Ryu, he's equally blankie-ish). My opponent takes me to Japan. His name is E. Honda. I haven't seen this rotund sumo master in years and looks as if he put on a few el bee esses. The match starts and i immediately throw off a perfect fireball right in Honda's flabby chest. A few roundhouses/hurricane kicks later, I tell a bloody Honda he is worthless and the game ends in my favor. Easy enough, but whats the fun in fighting a computer? Time to play some xbox live.

First match on live is against some a-hole who had the audacity to pick my Ken. Needless to say i was reemed like a male praying mantis. He picked the Vega stage too which has given me nightmares since i was a little kid. Maybe it was because Vega was always so damn hard and made me so bankrupt from quarter plunking that I had to apply for food stamps at the age of 10. Anyways, the game online sucked. It wasn't because I was horrible, that was a given. It was due to this travesty gaming nerds call "lag". It's where shit goes snail paced slow and people start screaming horrible expletives in German. I couldn't stand the fact that I had to guess where my opponent would land and where my next fireball would be thrown. I mean this is a crappy 2D game, why can't this be blazing fast online? There's a reason why i upgraded from dialup back in the early 90's. There's no reason Capcom has to make me feel all 56k again.

My second match was just ridiculous. Some guy picked Ryu and i picked Blanka. The guy was a bully. Not only did he predict that i would use the "cheap ass roll and electricity", but he further ridiculed every jab, kick and jump i made. It was a tearful moment to not only lose, but get made fun of online in the process. Luckily i had a freshly dry cleaned Capcom towel to wipe away those salty tears. Next time, Ryu, you are getting a GamePro taught combo finish. Seriously, where is my Gamepro from the 90's with that Hyperfighting guide, I need some help.